$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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