the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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