just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need to sanitize my soul.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
