youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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