I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
