Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
