It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
