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It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
