Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
