I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
