meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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