You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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