Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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