He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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