addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
