If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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