Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
