Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
