if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
