Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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