We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
