I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
