remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize