The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
