Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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