Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize