OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize