yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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