Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
