dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
