Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.

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(636): View more from Missouri

hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.

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(707): View more from California

then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"

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(970): View more from Colorado

It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...

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(720): View more from Colorado

Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.

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