Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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