I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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