i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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