I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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