I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
