When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Actions speak louder than pants.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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