I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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