you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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