she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
