That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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