I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
foreskin is a definite game changer
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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