So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
