didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
