I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize