It's Friday. Sex?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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