Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
