omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
