i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize