Say something about gay babies.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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