i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
