i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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