next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We have started to decorate penises.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
