he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
