I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
