How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
