Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
