I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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