It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think my moral compass just broke
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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