I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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