Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
