Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
