Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
