highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
