Where is the hickey?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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