Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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