Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
