i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And then my night got REAL pukey
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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