Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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