i already hear my dad disowning me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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