so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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