What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
