Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
