The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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